BECAUSE THE WORLD WAS PERFECT BEFORE GUNS (SATIRE)

Posted by Kris Vermillion on 9 days ago
BECAUSE THE WORLD WAS PERFECT BEFORE GUNS (SATIRE)

If you don't read the Babylon Bee as a habit, you're really doing a disservice to yourself.

A satirical website, the Bee's mission seems to be to highlight the faulty logic in today's impulsive and reactionary society.

This article really hit close to home, and provided a lot of laughs.

Hope you enjoy it.

WHY CAN'T WE RETURN TO HOW PEACEFUL THE WORLD WAS BEFORE GUNS?

Guns are a plague on mankind. They are the source of all violence in our modern world. Can you imagine how peaceful the world would be if guns didn’t exist? Well, you don’t have to imagine. There was such a time; it’s called our distant past.

In the long, long ago, people lived in harmony. They had no choice but to, as they had nothing to shoot each other with. Theoretically, they had bows and arrows, but if you’ve ever actually tried to use one, they’re basically impossible to hit anything with. So if they had a problem, they just talked things out. If things got really heated, they’d settle things with a riddle competition. And men were respectful to women, as there were no guns to enhance toxic masculinity. Also, politicians only ever did the will of the people since there was no NRA to buy them off. And no one knew anything about war, because how would you have a war without guns? Throw rocks at each other? Who could haul that many rocks to a battlefield? It’s impractical.

Life was basically as peaceful as a John Lennon song or a Communist country.

This all changed, though, when the inventor of guns (Bob Gun, I believe) created guns in his racism laboratory while trying to find ways to enhance racism. Since then, gun deaths have increased infinity-fold, from zero to more than zero. And there have been violence, murder, and, admittedly, some very entertaining John Wick movies. Also, think of all the wars since then. World War I. World War II. World War: Vietnam. World War: Desert Heat. And the World War prequel, World War Stories: The Civil War.

It’s no exaggeration to say things are now a million billion times more violent than before guns were invented. It’s past time to get rid of all the guns and go back to how peaceful and nice everyone was in ancient history. It won’t end all conflicts, but it will get pretty close. We’ll just have to think of some good riddles to stave off invasion.

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Thegiven76 9 days ago at 6:06 PM
Yeah people really don't know how bloody battles really were before the introduction of firearms. Also the power of the English long bow which has almost taken or tied lives taken throughout history next to firearms.
R.. Pierce 4 days ago at 11:45 AM
I hope Comrade Ocasio and her group of Mental Midgets don't read this piece. There's no doubt they would take it as Gospel.
S. Carter 2 days ago at 3:44 PM
To the editor, bravo ( an absolutely Mickey Mantle grand slam). As all these bleeding heart liberals with their knee jerk reaction to gun prohibtion,, please use your head for more than an hat rack. When a drunk driver kills another human, why don't they ever discuss banning vehicles. And not to mention that I have never seen any firearm so angered that it just jumped up in mid air and opened season with or without prejudice. So before I decide to go off on some tyrade, excellent job of pointing out the (so obvious) truth about gun prohition and not gun control. That is the objective of the left. They call it gun control, but it simply and honestly another step to gun prohition. May I remind you that didn't work in the 1920's, and it only took the country 13 years to reàlize that prohibion only criminalized the average citizen.

Thank you,
Semper Fidelis and god be with you and all of your 2nd amendment future endeavors!!!